Last night, I tried really hard to post a prayer gift for the Prayer Gift Tuesdays series. I really did. I think I fiddled around on here for a good hour and a half.

But here’s the thing…I’m having trouble praying.

My daddy died two and a half weeks ago, and my sister and I held vigil at his bedside for three days before he left us. The horror of watching him wither away haunts me. The desperate prayers my sister and I prayed in that nursing home room echo in my soul. The lyrics of the hymns we sang over him are now bittersweet.

I can’t bring myself to talk to the Lord about me…or Him…or my daddy…or anything personal.

I talked to my sister this morning. We talked about lots of things for about 10 minutes, and right before we hung up, I asked, “Karla, Are you having trouble praying?”

She paused for a bit before saying, “Well, yes…I guess I am.”

We talked a bit and came to the conclusion that we are not angry with God. We are just not quite ready to hear what He has to say to us.

Watching our dad die with little to no dignity broke something in Karla and me.

Our dad was larger than life!

He died a skeleton with rotten teeth.

Our dad was charming and fun.

He died with blank eyes.

Our dad was always singing.

He died speechless.

It just doesn’t seem right.

And I can’t pray right now.

Tonight, I left my Christian counselor a voicemail.

Hey Wendy,

This is Lee Merrill…hope you remember me. I’d like to make an appointment. It’s not urgent, but my daddy died and I just need to debrief a bit. Could you call me back and let’s see about a time that works for the two of us? I’d appreciate it.

I don’t like not praying. I love prayer! Prayer is my “thang.”

But I feel tongue-tied. Heart-tied. Soul-tied.

I’m hurt over my dad’s last days.

I’m hurt over the pain my sister and I endured.

I’m hurt over the angst I feel toward my dad’s wife who called the shots over his last years and days.

I’m hurt. And it’s going to take time to heal. And that’s ok.

I’m not making some announcement that I’m taking a pre-determined time off from blogging. I’ll blog when I have something to share. That’s all I can commit to right now.

Please pray for my sister and me. We need healing. We need strength to forgive Dad’s wife for what we see as cold-hearted choices.  We need to be able to pray again.

I’m so tired right now.

My husband’s snores are a lullaby. My puppy’s snuggles are a heating pad for my aching heart. My “special pillow” from childhood is my little pad of normalcy. Something that was there way back when Dad would give me back scratches to wake me up and is still here now that he’s gone.

Lord, I know You’re there. I need Your help, but I can’t seem to put it into words. Help me forgive. Help me heal. Help me fly again.

Love, Me

 

 

 

 

I’m really glad there were no speed traps on the way to church today because I pulled into the Heart of Mesa parking lot on two wheels this morning. Nothing like running late when you sing on the worship team.

I missed hugging on people and shaking hands with newbies, but before I rushed on the platform to my smiling worship team sisters, Kaye Martin grabbed me and squeezed me tight.

I can’t even begin to express the comfort my church family was to me while I was in Louisiana saying goodbye to my dad. I was able to post 9-1-1 prayer pleas on our Heart of Mesa Community page on Facebook. Knowing my church family was praying for my family and me helped keep me going. Thank you, sweet family!

Since I missed church for two weeks, it felt especially good to take part in corporate worship. To mesh my voice with hundreds of others as we brag on our Savior and seek His face.

But grief can be sneaky. When Michelle played the tell-tale first bars of “I Can Only Imagine,” the tears erupted like a sudden spring shower. I pulled the microphone from my lips and just mouthed the reality of my daddy’s new life. I pictured him, whole and smiling, in the presence of his Savior. Dancing and singing. Awed and adoring.

One day, I’ll be there, too.

We had the sweet blessing of dedicating a precious baby boy during the family prayer time. Daddy Russell used to be in my children’s choir! I can’t believe he’s not only a husband and daddy but also a recently re-enlisted soldier. Russell’s parents dedicated him in that very same spot 23 years ago.

With my pen poised and my heart ready to receive teaching, I was sooo ready to hear my pastor’s heart. Two weeks away is two weeks too long! In his prayer, he thanked God that he devoured the Word last week and that the Word devoured him. I love that! I want to be famished for more and more of God’s word. May it be so, Lord!

Gary took us to a familiar passage in the gospels where Jesus spent 40 days and nights in the wilderness. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love it when the Lord allows me to see a familiar passage with fresh perspective. Thank you, Lord, for inspiring Gary with such thought-provoking insights!

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be temptedby the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”

Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him. (Matthew 4:1-11 NIV)

This is the deal.

Believers will experience temptation. If Jesus wasn’t immune, there’s no way anyone will be.

The evil one has some favorite times to attack: right after a mountaintop experience, when we’re alone, and when we’re weak and worn out.

Satan is especially prone to attacking Believers who are full of the Spirit and walking in step with Him. It’s kind of a double-edged sword. As Believers, we want to live a Spirit-led life, but, in doing so, we really do set ourselves up for attack. The devil doesn’t bother with luke warm Believers because he knows they pose no threat.

Jesus modeled the right way to block the poisoned arrows of Satan. And, as always, His way is the best way.

It’s all about being full: full of the Spirit, full of the Word, and full of prayer.

Full of the Spirit

Compelled by the Spirit, Jesus spent 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness where He was assaulted by Satan again and again. He withstood the pressure of the enemy by the power of the Spirit, not personal willpower.

At Celebrate Recovery, Pastor Gary is the facilitator of the newcomer group. Recently, he spent time with three men who had a combined prison time of 60 years. As Gary heard their stories, all three of them admitted to feeling assaulted by temptation as soon as they walked out of those prison gates. Almost as if a force was pulling them back to the old ways that got them into trouble in the first place. We don’t want to go back. Please…tell us how to not go back.

Their only hope is to allow the Spirit of God to take control. He gives direction, and He gives strength. Oh, Lord, I relate to these men. I find myself going back to the same sins and struggles again and again. Help those men…and help me…to surrender fully to the power of Your Spirit. Fill us up, Lord.

Full of the Word

Every time the devil tempted Him, Jesus had the perfect comeback: the Word of God. And not just any random passages. Every scripture He quoted came from the book of Deuteronomy, a chronicle of the rebellious ways of the Israelites. If the Israelites had lived by those verses, it would have saved them a lot of trouble.

Let’s take a look at the three ways Christ was tempted. Such lessons to be learned.

• Satan knew Jesus was famished and physically weak after fasting for so long, so he started with the obvious…food. But Jesus understood the truth. He knew that eternal nourishment was far more important than a temporary physical fix. Sometimes, God lets us go hungry for a while to help us learn to trust in His provision. Sometimes, God lets us go hungry so we’ll understand how to be truly satisfied. Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

• Next, Satan tried to appeal to Christ’s pride and sense of personal power. He even quoted Scripture to give himself some extra credibility. But, again, Jesus saw through Satan’s ploy. It is also written: Do not put the Lord your God to the test. Jesus got it. We don’t control God. We’re out-of-line when we try to force God’s hand and make demands. The evil one would want us to believe that God needs our bright ideas, but He doesn’t. He wants our obedience, not our suggestions. Lord, please forgive me for the “to-do list” prayers. Please help me to trust You to always do what’s best in every situation.

 

• After striking out twice, Satan decided to just go for it and ask for what he really wanted: Christ’s allegiance and worship. But again, Jesus shut him down with Scripture. Away from me, Satan! For it is written: Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only. That passage was written shortly before the Israelites entered the promised land. God knew they would be living in houses they didn’t build and harvesting crops they didn’t plant. He knew they would be bombarded with idols that could steal their hearts. Jesus wasn’t about to trade in God for a cheap imitation. Lord, forgive me for how easily my affections stray. I want to worship and serve You only.

Full of prayer

Jesus prayed.

Who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear. (Hebrews 5:7)

Throughout His life, Jesus made prayer a priority. He laid Himself bare before God. And the Scripture says God heard Him because of His godly fear.

Godly fear = God’s ear

So, what does godly fear look like?

Pastor Gary summarized John MacArthur’s description.

Godly fear has four parts: self distrust, tenderness of conscience toward sin, vigilance in fighting temptation, and extreme care to not offend or dishonor God.

Oh, Lord, I want to truly fear You. To trust in You, not my own efforts. To be sensitive to even the slightest hint of sin. To treat temptation as a life or death fight. To weep over the thought of dishonoring Your name.

 

 

It’s PrayerGift Tuesday…the very first one on my new website! Excited is an understatement!

Since it’s the Tuesday before Christmas, I know just the One who needs a prayer gift.

 

Lord,

On this last Tuesday before Christmas, I can’t think of a more appropriate recipient of a prayer gift: You.

When I reflect on the life You lived and the life You give to humanity, I can’t help but worship. I can’t help but marvel. I can’t help but say, “Thank You!”

When You entered this broken world, did Your first cry contain grief? Grief over the loss of Your Father’s face? Did You utter, “Not my will but Yours be done” even then?

Lord, thank You. Thank You for leaving heaven’s peace to become our Prince of Peace.

Thank You for leaving the right hand of the throne of God to become the Suffering Servant.

Thank You for leaving streets of gold to walk dusty streets lined with broken people desperate for Your touch. People like me.

Though I once walked in darkness, I have seen a great light. Deep shadows—no more. Now, light! sunbursts of light! You repopulated the ghost town that was my soul; you expanded my joy. Oh, the gladness I enjoy in your presence! Festival joy! I can’t help but share rich gifts of encouragement  and warm greetings of hope!

For a child was born—for me! The gift of a son—for me! Rule my world.
Take over the running of things. You are my Amazing Counselor, my Strong God, my Eternal Father, the Prince of my Wholeness.

If I yield to Your ruling authority, there’ll be no limits to the wholeness You’ll bring! I’ll stand on the promises You promised to David.

Firm footing and a lasting legacy rooted in a heart obedient to Your commands for me. (based on Isaiah 9:1-7 MSG)

You are the gift of all the gifts. Oh, the gifts You so freely give!

The love You lavish on our needy souls.

The mercy You massage into our every sin.

The grace You grant to our willful hearts.

The power You pulse into our deepest need.

The comfort with which You cushion our spirits,

 The wisdom You wield toward our dilemmas and doubts.

Lord, help us to live out our gratitude. To count the graces and sing Your praises.

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for being born to this earth and born in my heart.

I love You,

Your LeeBird 

 

I’ve met some pretty amazing folks on Twitter, and my friend Julie Clark of Clark Crosses is one of my all-time favorites.

When I first visited her website, I was blown away by the beautiful, intricate crosses she designs and cuts out with her scroll saw.

There’s something about crosses.

My hubby is out in the garage right this minute creating rustic crosses out of various exotic and common woods.

The other night, we got to talking…

Crosses were instruments of torture and death. In the day when they were used as a mode of execution, I suspect anyone who displayed one on a wall would be thought morbid and flat-out strange.

I mean, think about it! Would you wear a golden electric chair around your neck? I don’t think so!

The cross went from repulsive to ravishing on the day Jesus died on one.

Jesus made the cross an instrument of grace.

I’ve never been a fan of crosses with Jesus still hanging on them.

The beauty of the cross is that Jesus no longer hangs there!

He lived. He died. He rose. He ascended. And one day, He will return!

My friend Julie understands the beauty of the cross.

She understands that every aspect of our lives is touched by the cross.

She understands that the abundant Christian life has the cross as its foundation.

She understands that, without the cross, she’d be lost and without hope.

Meet my friend, Julie Clark of Azle, Texas.

LeeBird: How did you get started making such intricate wooden crosses?

Julie: In 1996,  I was a stay at home Navy wife and mom.  My husband was at sea for months at a time.  Our Christmas tree was bare, and I didn’t have the money to buy ornaments, so I decided to make some.  I was invited to an ornament exchange at church, and I brought one of my ornaments, which was in the shape of an oak leaf with a cross at the top.  The women loved it and asked me to bring more to church!  In two weeks, I sold $200 worth of ornaments and this started my little business! 

By Christmas of 2001, I was sitting at my computer and praying to God that I was kind of tired of making ornaments and wanted to try something new.  The next morning my computer crashed and I lost all my designs!  I was confused and asked God what this meant.  Within the next four weeks, He gave me eight new large wall cross designs and Clark Crosses was born!

LeeBird: Describe the process of making your crosses from start to finish. 

Julie:  Ideas come to me in the strangest of places.  While I am sleeping, driving, during sermons on Sundays, or in conversation with others. 

 I sit at my computer and start drawing in a program called Corel Draw.  I love this program because I can manipulate my lines any way I want!  I spend hours tweaking designs until it is not only pleasing to my eye but structurally sound. That is what happens when you are the daughter of a creative mother and an engineer! 

I print out my design and lay it on a board with some carbon paper underneath and trace  the cross.  I then drill holes in each area that I want to cut out and then the fun begins of cutting the cross out! 

This is the time I pray for the recipient of the cross. [LeeBird loves this!]

  After I am finished, I sand the cross using a 220 grit sand paper and dip my cross in orange oil.  I love the smell of orange oil and it is non- toxic.  This feeds the wood and brings out the beautiful natural colors.  I dry the cross on a rack and brand my initials on the back.  Then it is ready to go!

LeeBird: Which of your crosses is your favorite and why? 

Julie: The Vine Cross is my favorite!  I was taking care of a dear friend in the last six months of her life and I told her I didn’t know why it was my favorite.  She looked at me with a “DUH!” expression and explained to me that it was how I reached out and touched other people’s lives!  Candy Howard was an amazing woman,  and I miss her dearly.

LeeBird: Do you have any new products on the horizon in 2012? 

Julie:  I never know what God has in store for me, but He continues to bless me regularly with designs.  I just made a design called “He Saves Me,” and I’m very excited about it!  I keep praying about other ways to share my designs, like through silver.  I’m trying to patiently wait for God to guide me in that!

LeeBird: Why crosses?

Julie: Crosses have always been a part of my life.  I have been called a cradle Christian in that I have always been a believer.  I can’t imagine my life without the love and support of God.

LeeBird: Give us a little glimpse of the woman behind the crosses?

Julie: I never meet a stranger!  I love people!  I love to smile at everyone I see at Walmart!  I am a rascal at church, and I say that my momma angels love me despite who I am!  I tend to be the “call it like I see it” kind of woman who enjoys trying to make people laugh.  I love to sing and go to thrift stores, and I love to turn trash into treasure!

LeeBird: How can folks purchase your work? 

Julie: I have a website, http://www.clarkcrosses.com where I  sell my crosses.  I have tried to sell them in stores, but I get so nervous trying to sell to store owners that IF I drank, I would certainly want a cold beer!  I have no idea why I have so much anxiety about selling to stores!

LeeBird: Give the story behind the VINE cross, the one I’m giving away to a lucky commenter!

Julie:  I can’t believe  you are asking me this question!  I am so deeply intertwined (pun intended!) with this design, and I truly don’t know why.  If my name was translated into cross language, it would be spelled out in this design!  The vine cross is who I am.  It’s that simple.  It’s where my heart is.

See why I love this girl? She is the real deal, and her crosses are works of art.

To celebrate the kick-off of my new website, I’m giving away Julie’s favorite design, the VINE cross.

You have lots of ways to enter. (Choose one or do them all!)

1. Leave a comment on this post.

2. Follow @Clarkcrosses and @LeeBirdFree on Twitter and comment here to let me know.

3. Like my PrayerGifts page on Facebook

4. Visit Julie’s website and comment here letting me know which of her designs is your personal favorite! It’ll be hard to pick. I think the “Fleur di Lis” is mine because of my Louisiana roots.

Christmas Day on a Sunday! What a blessing!

Today, at the Heart of Mesa, we had a joint service at 10:30 a.m. The early and late English services joined up with the Spanish service, and we stood in unity to praise the Infant King, the Suffering Servant, and the Blessed Redeemer!

It. was. glorious.

Makes me think of how heaven will be. Every culture, every color, every creed represented, and it will be glorious.

This morning, Pastor Gary took us to the simple truth of the Gospel. For fun, I’m going to summarize his message in a poem. Sometimes, a girl just needs to write a poem.

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. Luke 2:10-11

 

The Gift is Jesus

A world wrapped in darkness and shrouded in sin,

Without light, without hope, mankind wandered.

“Good news!” caroled angels! “A way you can win!”

Jesus Christ died for lives we have squandered.

When hearts open wide to receive the Good News,

Inexpressible joy will soon follow,

A joy so intense that our troubles diffuse.

Our life trials will begin to feel hollow.

The Good News is too great to keep to ourselves.

We must go! We must tell! We must love all!

Tell all so that they can decide for themselves

to receive Jesus Christ, to heed His call!

If left to ourselves, we would all remain lost.

We would run. We would hide. We would stray more.

But our gracious Savior has counted the cost.

He knocks patiently at our heart’s closed door.

Jesus is the Good News that brings us great joy!

He’s a gift we can give to all nations.

He brings life, hope, and peace all men can enjoy.

So our hearts overflow with elation.

As the holiday season comes to an end,

Don’t forget that the gift will continue

to call to the hearts of all women and men

for redemption He comes to the rescue.

I love the way God whispers to my heart when I’m on my evening walks.

A couple months ago, as I walked the perimeter of my community, I remember thanking the Lord for the “alone time.”

I don’t get much alone time. My home is full of fellas, and, at work, I share a classroom with two other teachers.

The older I get, the more precious a commodity alone time becomes.

But that night, the Lord said to me, You know, LeeBird, the word “alone” is a bitter word for many people.

Immediately, visions of loved ones settled on my heart.

Single moms raising children with no one with whom to share the blessing or the burden.

Women who lost spouses through death or divorce sleeping in their marriage beds alone.

Unmarried women who fear they’ll remain alone forever.

Stay-at-home moms battling the isolation of being home alone with the children all day long.

Alone isn’t always so precious.

If you are struggling with the word “alone,” this prayer gift is for you. I love you. LeeBird

 

 

Lord,

When words become tainted by pain, only You can redeem them. The word “alone” is one of those words. While one woman craves alone time, another woman cringes at the thought of one more moment alone.

For my sisters who struggle with deep loneliness, I pray for connection with Your presence, connection with Your perspective, and connection with Your people.

In Your Presence

Lord, my sister needs to feel the warmth of Your touch. Hold her aching heart with Your tender hands, Lord. Breathe comfort and peace into the empty spaces. Tend my sister’s heart like a shepherd. Gather her up in Your arms and carry her so close she can hear Your heart beating a love song just for her. (Isaiah 40:11) I pray she’ll hear You whisper, “I’m here, my precious one, and I’ll never leave.”  Assure her of Your attention, for Your eyes are “on the righteous, and [Your] ears are attentive to their cry; [You are] close to the brokenhearted and [save] those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:15; 18 NIV)

With Your Perspective

Lord, loneliness lies.

It can convince us that You’re taking away or withholding blessings like some kind of cosmic bully. Sometimes, we join with the Sons of Korah and cry out, “Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me.  All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me.  You have taken from me friend and neighbor—darkness is my closest friend. ” (Psalm 88:16-18 NIV)

But that’s not who You are, Lord. You don’t spin the wheel and dole out pain to the unlucky winner.

Open my sister’s heart to see her circumstances through Your eyes. Your eyes see the purpose behind the pain. Your eyes understand the perfect plan. Fill my sister’s mind and heart with so much truth that there’s not a bit of room for lies.

You have glorious plans for her present and her future! (Jeremiah 29:11)

You are at work “to will and to act in order to fulfill [Your] good purpose.” (Philippians 2:13 NIV)

You work out everything for the good of those whose hearts are devoted to You and are called for Your purposes. (Romans 8:28)

You are always, always, always there. (Psalm 139:7)

Embolden her to declare: “Therefore [I will] not lose heart. Though outwardly [I am] wasting away, yet inwardly [I am] being renewed day by day. For [my] light and momentary troubles are achieving for [me] an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So [I will] fix [my] eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV)

Kindred Spirits, Connected Hearts

Lord, from Adam’s first breath, You understood that there’s really no such thing as a loner. (Genesis 2:18) People need people. It’s how You made us.

I ask You, Lord, to provide my sister with just the people she needs in her life. People who will love her with sacrificial, Christ-like love. People who will anticipate her heart needs and reach out in inspired ways. People who will lift her downcast gaze to Your steady one.

Astound my sister by the creative ways You will fulfill this promise in her life: “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families,he leads out the prisoners with singing.” (Psalm 68:5-6 NIV)

Connect my sister with others close by and afar who share her need for empathy, encouragement, and easy-going companionship.

Give my sister friends who feel like family. People with whom she can be silly and sad, pensive and pathetic, excited and exhausted.

Lord, You are the giver of all gifts.

In the middle of my sister’s pain, I pray she will hold on tightly to the gift of Your presence, focus fully on Your perspective, and receive gratefully the loved ones You place in her life.

In the name of my Emmanuel (God with us) I pray, AMEN

 *Are there any words in your life that have been tainted by pain? Leave a comment and share your heart. You never know, next week’s prayer gift may be just for You! To God’s heart and your hands.

The Facebook and Twitter feeds are chock-full of  goal setting and inventory taking, and I guess it’s no different with me.

The dawn of a new year just seems a natural time to reflect and redirect.

Every new year of my adult life, I’ve had the same three goals: spend more time with God, take better care of my house, and lose weight.

Guess what? I still need to improve in all three of those areas. At this very moment, my soul feels dry, my house is a cluttered mess, and I’m hovering at just over 240 pounds.

Many folks have the habit of having a theme word for each year of their lives. Last year, my word was “TODAY.” The Lord impressed on me to quit focusing on the past to start being present right here and now.

While I’m not prepared to say that I’ve mastered the art of “today,” I did make progress for which I’m grateful.

This year, my word is “FITNESS.”

Now before you get the wrong idea, let me explain. I’m not setting out to become the body building champion of the universe or anything.

It’s just that…right now, the word that describes my life is FLABBY.

• My body is flabby.
• My life management is flabby.
• My spiritual life is flabby.

I believe God wants me fit, not flabby. Faithful, not fickle. Fruitful, not feeble.

With regard to the physical, I’m moving in the right direction. I’m beginning to pursue a lifestyle of health by eating right and exercising, but I lack discipline. I’m too easy on myself.

Fortunately, God gave me two motivational gifts to help me along. My friend Jen and my son Garrett.

I’ve watched Jen lose 70+ pounds and gain a ton of confidence and energy. She is so excited over her newfound fitness that she can’t help but want to help me find it, too! She texts me regularly to hold me accountable. She doesn’t let me off the hook.

Garrett is my firstborn whose mind is swirling with all kinds of plans and dreams for the future. He’ll be finishing up his first semester of college this time next year, Lord willing. As he suffers through his final months of high school, he determines to lose weight and get in shape. It helps to have someone else in the house who has similar goals. I have my walking shoes and he has his stationary bike, and we both have our new weight machine that will help us convince our muscles to get stronger and our fat to get LOST!

Now, about life management. In my mind, life management is about stewardship. Proper “care and feeding” of all the blessings with which God entrusted me. Family and friends, home, money, career, talents.

I want to love my loved ones well. I want this house to attract peace not pigs. I want our bank account to prove godly priorities not impulsive spending. I want my students to flourish under my care. I want every word I write or speak or sing to make God smile.

My spiritual life is the biggie. The more fit I am spiritually, the easier it will be to live an all-over fit and fabulous life!

Currently, I spend more time nibbling nuggets off other folks’ spiritual plates than I do my own. My spiritual spoon is lost under a pile of tweets and blogs and emails and books. It’s time I start digging in for myself!

Digging into the Word and letting the Word to nourish my heart, mind, and spirit.

Digging into prayer and allowing God’s whispers  to season my attitudes, words, and actions.

Digging into His truth and giving myself permission to truly “taste and see that the Lord is good!” (Psalm 34:8)

I have an inkling that God has big plans for me this year. Plans to expand my reach.

But, at this moment, I’m not ready for any expansion. I’ve gotta get in shape physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Fitness is the word for 2012, and I’m ready to get busy!

Join me on Wednesdays when I weigh my fitness progress! See you next week!

Lord,

I’m flabby in lots of ways, but, by Your strength, I can become fit. Fit in body, fit in mind, and fit in spirit. Empower me to do what needs doing and to manage my blessings Your way.

 In the perfectly fit name of Jesus I pray, AMEN

Pastor Gary was feeling a little sappy this morning. Could be because his youngest daughter gave him a shiny new grandson on Friday. Baby Landon was born a month early, but he’s doing fine. Praise God!

He took us to the book of Philippians where his heart for his church, The Heart of Mesa, is perfectly presented on the page by the Apostle Paul.

God’s Word is never outdated. It’s right on time every time.

Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God’s Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

It’s not at all fanciful for me to think this way about you. My prayers and hopes have deep roots in reality. You have, after all, stuck with me all the way from the time I was thrown in jail, put on trial, and came out of it in one piece. All along you have experienced with me the most generous help from God. He knows how much I love and miss you these days. Sometimes I think I feel as strongly about you as Christ does! (Philippians 1:3-8 MSG)

Next month, Pastor Gary will celebrate his 10th anniversary as pastor of the Heart of Mesa.

Boy, has it been an exciting decade!

I think about my own family. Ten years ago, our boys were two, five and seven. Now, our oldest is a senior in high school and is busy filling out his college financial aid paperwork.

A lot has happened in 10 years.

When the Lord gave Pastor Gary his focal passage for this week, Gary was floored by how much Paul’s words echoed his own heart. The church in Philippi was much like the Heart of Mesa…a mixed bag of people enamored with Jesus.

The first three members of that church were a wealthy business woman, a jailor, and a slave girl who was once demon-possessed. (See Acts 16)

Sounds a lot like the Heart of Mesa. We take all kinds! We have stay-at-home moms and ex-cons. We have sweet little old ladies and tattooed and pierced veterans. We have regular Joe’s and been-there-done-that Bob’s.

No matter your color or your culture, you’ll find love at the Heart of Mesa. We love because He first loved us! We love with His love.

We’re a crazy quilt of misfits all stitched together by God to make something beautiful, warm, and inviting.

Every morning, Pastor Gary walks his bumbling dogs and prays for his family, the Heart of Mesa.

Together, Gary and the Lord work through challenges and dream up ways to dispel the darkness in Mesa, Arizona and beyond.

Joy fills Gary’s soul as he reflects on all God has done and all God is doing at our little church on Stapley Drive.

We handed out sack lunches to day laborers, and now we have a full-time Spanish pastor. God did that!

We opened our arms to people with hurts, habits, and hang-ups, and now we have a Celebrate Recovery ministry that has 75-100 attendees every Friday night. God did that!

We brought light to the darkness of the local Indian community, and now we have the opportunity to partner with the Baptist Indian Fellowship. God did that!

In 2011, 45 people gave their hearts to Christ and were baptized at the Heart of Mesa. God did that!

God planted the First Southern Baptist Church of Mesa 61 years ago. Through the decades, this church has had moments of victory and seasons of intense trial, but, just as He promised, God is completing the good work he started way back then.

He is using our little fellowship of believers to change lives. What a privilege to be part of the Body of Christ!

What a privilege to be part of the Heart of Mesa.

Pastor Gary needed to spill out his gratitude, lest he burst.

Ten years ago, the Knighton family came to us broken and wounded.

Now, they are whole and flourishing.

We’ve watched Gary and Edithe’s two daughters grow up, graduate high school, get married, and have children. Yes, a lot has happened in ten years.

Gary Knighton loves his church family, and we surely do love him back!

At the end of the post, click on the link to enjoy the little slide show of random photos from the last several years at the Heart of Mesa, and if you’re ever in town, come on by to see us. We’ll give you some Heart of Mesa love.

Lord,

Thank you for bringing Pastor Gary to us so we could love on Him, and he could love on us. Thank you for the beautiful work You are doing in our midst. We are humbled by the way You use us to share Your message and Your love. We are thrilled to serve You together. Despite our quirks and our stumbles, we have a heart for You, a heart for Your people, and a heart for those who need to know You. We are your servants, and we’re ready for a tremendous 2012! In the faithful name of Jesus I pray, AMEN

Heart of Mesa

 

 

 

After almost two weeks of staying up late and sleeping in, it’s time for me to get back into work mode. Teachers start back Friday and kids join us on Monday.

This break was just what I needed. No schedule. No drama. No stress.

Lots of resting, writing, and hanging out with my sweetie in the garage. Ahhh…bliss!

Oh, and lots of helping Charlie, the bearded dragon, get situated. When I picked the little critter up at the pet store for Jake’s Christmas, I never dreamed how much work and expense it would be getting his little habitat set up. Special lights, a spot for basking, a spot for hiding, a spot for humidity. And then we had to buy a cricket keeper and special cricket food and calcium dust to sprinkle on the crickets. And guess what? He won’t eat the crickets. Soon they’ll be too big for him to eat and we’ll have to get new ones. Geez. I think we would have it easier getting a pet rhinoceros!

To be honest, the little fella is pretty cute, and he loves to be handled. I think he’ll be a fun addition to our household if he survives the first month.

Anyway, back to getting back into work mode. My first four days of focusing on fitness were pretty good.

Each Wednesday, I’ll be posting an honest update so my bloggy pals can cheer me on (or chew me out) as needed.

Physical fitness

I walked two miles tonight, and I started keeping track of my eating and exercise on the #loseit app for Android. It’s a little easier to navigate than My Fitness Pal.

I’ve been doing some reading about eating plans trying to find a plan that will work for me. Here’s what I’ve come up with.

A high fiber breakfast and one high fiber snack early in the day to keep my innards behaving.

The rest of the day’s food will be proteins, veggies, fruit, and a small amount of nuts. While I’m not completely eliminating any food item from my life, I tend to do better with weight loss when I lay off the starchy stuff like potatoes, pastas, and breads, so I’m going to try to keep those to a minimum.

My goal is to cut down on convenience foods like Lean Pockets and frozen dinners. I’ll still have them when I’m in a pinch, but I’m going to try to eat more fresh things.

Lots of water and calorie-free drinks. Major cut-back on the beer.

Supplements will be a prenatal vitamin (I’m prone to anemia), calcium chews, and fish oil capsules.

In addition to my 2-3 mile walks, 4-5 days a week, I’m going to use the weight machine 4-5 days a week working on major muscle groups. On rainy days, I’ll either ride Garrett’s stationary bike or exercise to a dvd.

Now that I have a plan, it’s time to start executing it! I hope to have a promising update for you next week!

Life fitness

I am so happy to say that my house is picked up and in order! The boys still have work to do in their rooms, but the rest of the house looks great! I’ve been trying to keep it picked up, and so far so good! Now if I can get all my fellas to do the same, we’ll be set.

My plan is one load of laundry per day and one weekly cleaning task per day. Cliff and I will take turns cooking dinner, and the boys will be in charge of keeping their rooms and their bathroom clean as well as picking up after themselves around the house.

Finance-wise, I set up a filing system for the bills and created a budgeting account on mint.com. The boys will get spending money on Thursday nights IF they’ve been responsible around the house and at school.

Spiritual fitness

This is the biggie, so I saved it for last. My prayer for myself is to fall madly in love with God. I love Him, but I want my heart to race when I think of Him.

I want to shed tears over what breaks His heart. I want to be so focused on Him that the world can’t distract me. I want to see people through His eyes and love people with His love. I want to crave time with Him and wake up with Him on my mind. I want to dream about Him when I sleep and sing to Him when I wake. I want to be so obsessed with Him that I have no room for even one idol. Not human approval. Not food. Not worldly success. Nothing but Him.

I plan to fill lots of journals this year. Pouring over His Word and letting it pour into me. Spilling out my secrets and sitting still long enough for Him to spill out His heart.

I’m about 40% done with a Bible reading plan I started back in June.

Intercessory prayer will occur throughout my day using an amazing free app called Prayer Popper. It allows me to enter prayer requests in and indicate if I want them to pop up daily, weekly, or monthly. If it’s weekly, I can pick the day of the week I want it to pop up. I have mine set to pop up four times a day.

I’ll continue using my social media time for prayer as well. I find great satisfaction in shooting off little prayers to Twitter and Facebook friends when I see a need.

So…that’s where I am this week. How’s your 2012 going so far?

Lord, thank you for new beginnings. Thank you for inspired hearts and motivated minds. Thank you for the strength you provide so we can live well for your glory. Thank you for the rumblings of rapture in my heart as my adoration of you grows. Lord, thank you.

Love, LeeBird

 

 

On Monday evening at 10:37, my sister and I held our dad’s hand as he took his final breath.

Such a powerful moment.

Devastating, heart-breaking, and ugly.

Miraculous, victorious, and beautiful.

Karla called late last week to let me know Dad was going down fast. The nursing home staff hadn’t been able to get much food or drink in him for a few weeks.

On Friday, Cliff and I decided I should fly home. Thanks to a flight attendant niece, I was able to fly dirt cheap, and the Lord worked out the empty stand-by seats.

As I sat at the gate in Dallas waiting to catch a crop duster plane to Shreveport, I struck up a conversation with the woman sitting next to me. I asked her if she was from Shreveport, and it turns out she grew up in Keithville close to where I grew up.

“I grew up on the Barron Rd. Do you know the Walkers on Barron Rd.?” I asked.

“Wasn’t Mr. Walker a school teacher?” she mused.

“Yep, that’s my dad, Bill,” I grinned.

“He was my teacher at Oak Terrace!” she cried out in amazement.

I told her about the reason for my travel, and she proceeded to reminisce about Mr. Walker the school teacher in a cowboy hat who sang songs.

How sweet of my Lord for reminding me of the influence my dad had on so many people.

Karla picked me up from the airport and we headed straight to the nursing home where we stayed for three days.

Three days of telling Dad we love him and giving him permission to let go.

Three days of laughing over sweet memories and crying over his present condition.

Three days of singing to him and praying over him.

The staff at Linden Healthcare treated us with such tenderness. From the cafeteria workers to the nursing home director, every staff member had something sweet to say about Dad. They cared about him and did their best to take care of him.

The facility isn’t impressive to look at, but what they lack in fancy decor and top-of-the-line equipment, they make up for in caring attention and expressions of dignity for  residents who can’t stand up for themselves.

On Monday night, Dad’s breathing became erratic and his coloring mottled.

I snagged a hymnal from the sitting area, and Karla and I had church at Dad’s bedside.

We must have sung 20 hymns, and Karla read from the Psalms.

We prayed and prayed begging God to show our dad mercy…to set him free from his prison body.

Then we resorted to cowboy songs. I set Pandora to the Marty Robbins station. When I was a teenager, my dad had a boom box in his bathroom rigged up so that the instant he turned on the light, his Marty Robbins tape would start blaring. He never got tired of listening to Marty Robbins, Hank Williams, and Jim Reeves.

At about 10:25, the Pandora station played I’ll Fly Away. Almost as if on cue, Dad’s breathing began to slow down. Karla and I sat breathless watching Dad’s chest rise and fall…rise and fall…………rise and fall…………………………rise and fall.

At 10:37, he raised his head off the pillow, took two final gasps of breath, and died.

Through my tears, I turned to shut off the music.

As the computer prepared to shut down, an alert popped up.

Waiting on the file “Dad” to close.

I stared at the screen as it closed the photo folder I had named “Dad.”

While I’m so, so sad to be without him, I’m so grateful he is free. So grateful he’s in heaven with my brother, Dean. So grateful he was mine.

When the music fades

From the time I was too small to hold up my head,

the music played.

A mish-mash of melodies.

From cheerful whistling to melancholy hums.

From silly sing-a-longs to cowboy songs.

From love songs to love-gone-wrong.

Always, the music played.

And always, I sang along.

We sang in the truck bouncing down pot-holed highways.

We sang at the barn as horses swished and swayed in the hay.

We sang when he walked me down the aisle.

The music changed then, but it didn’t cease.

It echoed across the miles

And little boy harmonies made the music rich and full-of-life.

As the years rolled by, the key began to change.

Notes misplayed. Lyrics forgotten.

The music grew faint

A mumbled whisper.

A listless sigh.

Then quiet.

Peace.

Shh.

Listen! Do you hear it?

Do you hear the sweet refrain?

When the music faded here on earth

It picked right back up in heaven.

Now, he sings with angels and his little sister Eloise.

Now, he sings with his son and his mom and dad.

Now, he remembers every note, every tone, every word.

Now, he know his own name and the names of those he loves.

Now, he sees His Savior face-to-face. He knows His name.

And together, they sing the song he was born to sing.

They sing over you. They sing over me.

Sing, Dad, Sing.

 

It’s Friday, and you know what that means…Five Minute Fridays courtesy of the lovely Gypsy Mama.

Here’s the deal. Every week, Lisa-Jo gives us a topic that we are to spend five minutes writing about. Five minutes only. No time to worry about every little jot and tittle. Just let your heart flow through your fingers and see what happens.

Link your post up to Lisa-Jo’s. Be sure to visit some of the others who linked before you, and be sure to read Lisa-Jo’s post because that girl can write!

This week, the word is…AWAKE, which is what I am right now even though I’m dead tired and have a big day ahead tomorrow.

Here’s my contribution to FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY.

Ready, set, go…

For two nights, I sat at my daddy’s bedside watching his shallow breathing and wishing he’d wake up and say, “I love you Darlin’.” Wishing he’d sing along when I sang, “You are my sunshine.” Wishing he was still living in my childhood home with my mother growing old. Wishing I could erase the last 23 years of his life and take him back to the day before he left my mother and started down a downward spiral.

Wishing he had woken up back then so he could have avoided dying with little dignity in a nursing home bed he would have never chosen for himself.

Too late for my dad to go back and make changes, but LeeBird is wide awake. Determined to choose friendships and loved ones wisely, to take care of my health, and to write a very detailed will.

STOP

I’m running a little behind, but I hear that yesterday was National De-Lurking Day…a day when blog visitors who usually don’t leave comments take a minute to say hi and introduce themselves.

If you read my blog posts but don’t usually leave comments, please take a minute to tell me about yourself. If you do, you’ll be entered in a drawing for one of my sweetie’s beautiful carved crosses. He calls them “wrinkled crosses.”

 

Here’s what I’d like to know:

1. Name and a little about you.

2. How’d you find me and how long have you been “lurking.”

3. What would you like to see on Prayer Gifts in 2012?

I can’t wait to hear from you. I’ll give the cross away on Friday.

Well, time to go pack my suitcase. I’ve been in Louisiana for a week bidding farewell to my sweet dad who passed away on Monday. Time to head home to my fellas in Arizona. Ready to get back to life.

Love, Lee

Home feels so good. I’m typing away out in the garage while my sweetie cleans and organizes his wood shop. I feel like a whole lifetime rushed by in a week’s time.

For those just tuning in, I’ve been in Louisiana for the past week saying goodbye to my sweet daddy. He battled Parkinson’s disease and dementia for ten years; seven in a nursing home. Even though I knew this day would come, the loss leaves a huge crater in my heart. I keep reminding myself of how happy and carefree my dad is in heaven. I keep picturing him reunited with his only son, Dean, who preceded him in death four years ago. I keep visualizing his spirit freed from his broken mind and emaciated body. Even still, I miss him terribly. My hands feel so empty without his to hold. I miss my daddy.

I got word this morning that my cousins Mike, Karen, Bonnie, and Stephanie are suffering the same pain. Their dad, Wayne, passed away this morning. He was in about the same shape as my dad and spent his last years in a nursing home.

My heart aches for them.

My heart breaks for my Uncle Lo who lost both of his brothers a week apart and his son back in July. That’s a lot for one heart to take.

Life is terribly hard sometimes.

With my daughter heart aching so, I can’t imagine writing any other prayer gift than this one. This is for my sister, for my cousins, and for me. And, if you’ve lost your dad, this prayer gift is for you…because a girl needs her dad.

Lord,

Woven throughout the tapestry of scripture is the golden thread of fatherhood. Abraham waited 100 years for his Isaac. Jacob thought his Joseph dead for years and then held him in his arms once again. Joseph had the privilege of fathering his Savior, Jesus Christ.

A father’s blessing can change the course of his child’s life. His wisdom is more precious than gold. His absence is felt deep in the spirit, mind, and marrow. Dads are precious when they’re here and when they’re gone.

Lord, we need you all the time, but when a girl loses her earthly father, she needs her Heavenly Father all the more. Isaiah 9:6 declares You our Wonderful Counselor, our Mighty God, our Everlasting Father, and our Prince of Peace.

Be all those things to us today.

Wonderful Counselor

Counselors listen, observe, and respond.  “You, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.” (Psalm 10:14 NIV)

Be our helper, Lord, as we walk this painful path of grief. When the path gets too muddy, swoop us up and carry us through it. Hear our cries and quiet them with your comfort and compassion.

Sometimes, losing a loved one is a messy affair. It seems as if death brings out either the very best or the very worst in people. We need wisdom in how to handle the aftermath of loss. How to deal with people who don’t have love at the center of their words and actions. How to honor our earthly and Heavenly fathers by our words and actions no matter how others choose to behave. Help us, Lord. You say that if we lack wisdom, all we have to do is ask and You will give generously without finding fault. (James 1:15) We ask for that wisdom today. We need it. We want it. We need the strength to follow it.

Mighty God

You are “the Mighty One, God, the LORD,  [who] speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to where it sets.” (Psalm 50:1 NIV) “Who is like you, LORD God Almighty? You, LORD, are mighty, and your faithfulness surrounds you. You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them.” (Psalm 89:8-9 NIV)

If You cause the sun to rise and set, You can rebuild our broken hearts. If you can still the raging sea, You can calm the turmoil we feel. You are “greater than our worried hearts and know more about us than we do ourselves.” (1 John 3:20 MSG)

Everlasting Father

What a comfort to know that You are our everlasting Father. “As a father has compassion on his children, [You have] compassion on those who fear [You for You know] how we are formed, [You remember] that we are dust.  The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting [Your] love is with those who fear [You].” (Psalm 103:13-18 NIV) You are a father to the fatherless and set the lonely in families. (Psalm 68:4-6 NIV)

“Lord, You are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8 NIV) We trust You to use the pain of our loss to strengthen our relationship with You. We pray You can trust us to use the comfort we’ve received from You to share comfort with others reeling from loss.

Lord, it’s easy to let the brutality of loss overcome our belief in Your goodness. The evil one would love for us to believe that You take loved ones from us out of sheer cruelty. When he whispers the lies, give us the wherewithal to say to ourselves, “This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this: Our Father in heaven, reveal who you are. Set the world right; do what’s best—as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You’re in charge! You can do anything you want!You’re ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes.” (Matthew 6:8-13 MSG)

Lead us by Your Spirit, Lord. We are Your children. We’re adopted for good. For eternity. We have no need to live in fear because our Abba Father, our Daddy God is there. (Romans 8:14-15) “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1 NIV)

Prince of Peace

Lord, right now, I feel like part of me died the moment my dad’s heart stopped. Right now, I feel weak, restless, and disturbed.  But the book of wisdom says, “a heart at peace gives life to the body.” (Proverbs 14:30 NIV)

Please, Lord, replace my weakness with strength and my restlessness with peace. (Psalm 29:11) For me, Lord, and for every son or daughter wrestling with that orphan emptiness.

Steady our minds on the reality of Your faithfulness, for the prophet Isaiah says, “you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV) Your peace is perfect because You are perfect. Peace is just one of the many gifts You have for us. “Every good and perfect gift is from [Your loving hand].” (James 1:17 NIV)

Thank you for the gift of our dads. You give and take away. No matter what, I will declare, “Blessed be Your name!” (Job 1:21)

In the name of my ever-present Savior, I pray, AMEN