Something snapped in me this weekend. Well…maybe I should say “clicked” because “snapped” makes it sound like I need a straitjacket.

Friday afternoon, I had a meeting with my district evaluator. Her job is to come in and observe me teach and give me feedback on what I’m doing right and what I need to improve.

Well, she pretty much told me that I should hang up my junior high keys and move to the elementary school because my classroom management skills are killing me.

As I drove home, defeated, I began to doubt myself. I’ve been at my school for seven years. I thought I was good at my job. Have I been kidding myself all these years?

And then I got mad…stubborn even.

Don’t tell me I can’t change.

Don’t tell me I should take the easy way out.

Don’t tell me I don’t have what it takes.

My struggles as a teacher can be summed up by one phrase: lack of consistency.

If I stuck to the procedures I set up at the beginning of the year, my classes would run just fine.

Now that I think about it…all of my struggles stem from lack of consistency.

I have the skills, but I don’t apply them again and again and again.

Inconsistent with my healthy eating and exercise.

Inconsistent with my housekeeping.

Inconsistent with holding the boys responsible.

Inconsistent with spiritual disciplines.

So what am I going to do about it?

Am I going to accept a mediocre life, or am I going to start again?

Every time I choose to stick to “the plan,” I win. And every little win adds up to the big time.

A slim and fit body that whoops, “Let’s do this thing!”

An organized and tidy home that bellows, “Come on in!”

Three handsome, responsible sons who declare, “I respect my momma.”

A serene spirit that sings, “It is well with my soul!”

And productive students who chant, “Yes, Mrs. Merrill! Right away Mrs. Merrill!”

Thank you, Ms. Evaluator for telling me to give up. It’s just the kick in the tail I needed.

Lord, thank You for using my evaluator to kick me out of my rut. Help me to do what I need to do…choice-by-choice, hour-by-hour, day-by-day until consistent, positive habits take root.

What positive habits do you need to cultivate? I’d love to hear that I’m not the only one with some work to do!

Am I the only one who has a hard time waiting?

At this moment, I could easily fall out into a whining fit, but I won’t.

I feel like every aspect of my life is a waiting game.

Waiting on a friendship storm to blow over.

Waiting on an opportunity to serve the way I am called to serve.

Waiting on the writing ministry to take off.

When the waiting starts to get to me, doubts sneak in like a creeping fog.

Maybe the friendship ran its course.

Maybe I have no business being in any kind of leadership.

Maybe my writing is meant to be a hobby and nothing more.

I know God does some of His best work while we’re waiting. He builds peace that can’t be rattled by circumstances. He builds patience that can’t be cracked by small annoyances or huge disappointments. He builds  perseverance to keep believing and pursuing our dreams.

But I’m just being real here…this waiting is about driving me batty. I guess I have lots to learn.

What are you having trouble waiting for? Maybe your arms ache for a baby of your own. Maybe your spouse is deployed and it feels like he or she has been gone forever. Maybe you’ve been passed over for one promotion after another.

We can’t let this waiting time go to waste. So join me in prayer asking God to use this time for His glory and our growth.

Lord,

Right now, it feels like my heart and mind are on fast-forward eager to see my dreams hatch and sprout wings. But birds don’t fly right out of the egg. It takes time to grow and mature. To watch and learn. To stumble and steady.

Help me, Lord, to wait with grace as You do Your refining work in me.

Nourish me with peace.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body,  but envy rots the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30 NIV)

Help me to stay focused on our unique journey rather than the journeys of others. Help me to trust in Your good wisdom. You know what I need for today and tomorrow. I don’t want what others have. I want what You have for me.

You promise to keep me in perfect peace if my mind is steadied on You. (Isaiah 26:3) Steady my mind and fix my eyes on You, Lord. I can’t will myself to do it. I need to feel Your hands holding my face and tilting my chin up so I can get lost in your gaze.

Train me in patience.

“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.” (Proverbs 14:29 NIV)

I’m sure you shake Your head at my foolish mental temper fits. Help me to settle down and patiently look for Your purpose for the wait. Replace my wonderings with the assurance of Your guiding hand and Your constant attention. May I “never be lacking in zeal, but keep [my] spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. [Keep me] joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:11-12 NIV)

Strengthen me with perseverance.

Waiting is a painful stretching exercise that leaves my spirit sore. But it’s a good sore (pure joy) because it’s readying me for full flight.

Help me to ”glory in [my] sufferings, because [I] know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put [me] to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into [my heart] through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to [me].” (Romans 5:3-5 NIV)

Help me to “let perseverance finish its work so that [I] may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:4 NIV)

Lord, I can’t wait well unless You do it in me. Yes, I want things to happen, but I want to want You more than anything else. Change my heart and my mind so peace, patience, and perseverance can become who I am.

In the name of Jesus I pray, AMEN